So, today (technically yesterday) was the last day of school.  You’d think that I’d be happy about this, right?  Believe me, you’re way off on this one.  I am anything but excited about school ending.  I lose the words to describe what I’m feeling right now.  It’s 0105 and I’m in IHOP thinking about my school year, and even more about my students.  I’m sure my “inner circle” would not be happy with me still being awake at this time, considering I get fussed at for not getting enough sleep as is.  [I apologize for the tangent just then.  I have a feeling that they’re just getting started, lol.]  I saw students hug, shake hands, sob, dance and smile (and it just wasn’t girls, either).  I had been dreading this day all week; the day when I would say, “Have a great summer.”  I would have to hug my 8th Graders for the last time, as they journeyed on to high school.  The truth was that I didn’t want them to leave, seeing as though I just gotten there.  I felt like I hadn’t had enough time with them.

This hasn’t been my first time experiencing this feeling, though.

I can remember a time when I had to say my final “good bye’s” as well.  Although I only remember fragments of high school graduation, I do remember how I felt that day.  Graduation was a little tough for me, because I had just buried my grandmother two days before.  I felt a “certain kind of way” considering she supported our educational achievements although she didn’t finish elementary school herself.  Having to deal with losing someone that close to me for the first time was bad enough, but having to say goodbye to friends I had known since elementary school proved to be almost unbearable.  I felt torn because I was trying to see all of my friends before we left McAllister Field House, yet still feeling the tug of being with my family.  I witnessed then some of the same occurrences that I noticed yesterday: laughing, hugging, crying and sobbing.  Needless to say (but I’ll say it anyway), saying adieu has always been one of my least favorite things to do.

Today, the students had a dance near the end of the school day.  This is already an emotionally charged atmosphere for me, because I love to see the students enjoy themselves and throw “caution to the wind.”  So many students came up to me, who weren’t in my class, telling me that they would miss me.  It warmed my heart: truly.  I gave guys and girls alike hugs and told them that I would indeed miss them, too.  My emotions were so intense, that I found myself saying, mentally, “Don’t cry.  You can’t cry.  Get yourself together, man.”  I wanted to go “ball up” into a corner and weep (for about 30 seconds, lol).

Today was comical because some of the students who periodically “skipped” my class, found their way to class today (and were on time, too)!  I’m chuckling because there was this one student, who would come into my classroom every, single, day.  “Not a problem, ” you say?  This student didn’t even have my class!  Hahahaha.  Now, that’s funny.  There were a few students like that, honestly.  Some students would come to my room if they got ejected from their own classroom for misbehaving.  I didn’t turn them away because they would come in and participate in my class!  Crazy, right?  I don’t know, I just wanted to see them learn in an environment of love and respect.

Although I know that my students must move forward in their quest for knowledge, I still don’t like that the quest had to continue today.  As I end this post at 0204, I still don’t want the school year to end.  I just started getting to know them.

Until next time,

Love and Peace.

-Herbie