I almost had an abortion.

I figured that would get your attention.  Now, on to the meaning of all this.

I can remember there was a time when I wanted to be an Air Force pilot.  That had to be one of my first dreams.  As realistic as that was, it played “second fiddle” to an even bigger dream: Music Teacher.  It was 6th grade, and I was on my way to gym.  The band room’s door was sort of catty-cornered to the gym door.  One day, while I was on my way to gym class, something miraculous happened.  Just as I touched the handle to enter the gym, the band room opened slightly.  Honestly, I didn’t see the door open first.  I heard the sound escape, like students being released on the last day of school.  Oh, and what a grand sound it was.   As the music reached my ears, it imputed an insatiable passion that burns deep, even today.  I will never forget that sound for as long as I live.  Never.  The way it made me feel has me grasping for words that haven’t been created yet (and probably never will be).  I felt like I did the first time I heard the words, “I love you,” and knew that I loved her too.  It was better than sex.  Wow, what a feelin’.  My eyes are glossing over just thinking about that day: The day I fell in love with music.

Somewhere along the line, I started believing all of the foolish lies that people told me about myself.  It got to the point that they didn’t need to be around because I had their sayings in my head.  I heard this quote a few times: “Having people in your head allow them to live rent free.”  It wasn’t until I relented and gave myself to God that I found some peace from these thoughts.  But they still resurface periodically, although the voices are growing more faint. What a fantastic day when those voices are gone forever.  So, I’ve had this dream of starting my own music company.  I’ve talked myself out of launching this company, tried to drown it in my sorrows and bury it under tons of hurt, work, or whatever I could find.  There was just one problem: The dream just wouldn’t die.  After everything that I tried, it just wouldn’t go away.  Just when I thought I had it buried it, and had a funeral, it would resurface with even more fervor than before.  Ugh!  “Why won’t you die,” I asked.  At that time, I had started repeating some of the same epithets that I had heard others say about me.  I had a revelation while I was teaching the other day.  I told the students, “Don’t believe what others say about you, because they don’t know you.  Only you know yourself, and should believe the things that you say about yourself.”  Wow.  I felt like I was preaching in the mirror.  I needed to take an offering and say the benediction.  Ha!

I mean, I really tried to kill this dream.  I tried my best, and I am happy to say that I failed.  It’s 2012, and I’m preparing to see my accountant, to get the business articles filed.  My company will help others get their dream out through different forms of media.  It will be lucrative and survive long after I expire.  I know this now.  However, I didn’t when I was attempting to kill my dreams.

What is the meaning of all of this, you ask?  I am telling you this to let you know that the world needs your dream.  There’s a reason why it’s on your mind.  Don’t be so selfish with your dreams.  It was placed inside of your spirit for you and others as well.  Get started today.  Above my door in my classroom, I have the wall decal “Dream”.  I want my students to dream as big as they can, and when they accomplish that dream, it’s onward to the next one.  I tell them that I’m already living one dream, and I’m not done dreaming yet.  Imagine all of the people who could be helped by you pursuing your dream.  Your dream may save my life one day.  I need your dreams to come true.  The world needs your dreams to come true.

Don’t let us down.


4 thoughts on “I almost had an abortion.

  1. That is so beautiful! Having been , and still being, a major music nerd…..I love that feeling of playing and being a part of such a group. Pouring my heart and soul to the world through my instrument. I go out and play my trumpet every few weeks at the airport, just by the river…lol.
    Keep dreaming and living those dreams, so many people don’t give their dreams a chance and wind up miserable. I think the keys to life are simplicity and happiness….stopping and enjoying the moment, not rushing around and taking life for granted.
    Love your words and so eloquently stated. Thanks for the inspiration! 🙂


    1. Who knew that you played trumpet?! That’s cool. Music nerds are cool. I am and always will be one! You’re right about the keys of life. I honestly believe that you must be “simply happy”. Hey, I almost gave up. It was tough, but I they didn’t die. Thank you for your kind words. Take care.


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