In my age of self-awareness, I’ve come up with something that I’ve found interesting about myself. I’d like to spill the beans, but I’ll do that shortly. Indulge me a little, while ya? LOL.
Look at this picture. It seems to describe me, fairly well. No, I don’t have footprints on me and neither do I shine in the sun. Ha! But really, I see so many similarities in this picture. I took this picture, while walking home from school one day. It made me feel nice and cozy inside, but things just aren’t that simple with me-ever.
This picture shows a pathway, with impressions of feet everywhere. The footprints show evidence of several people being there; yet no one is there now. What does this have to do with me?
I have to come clean, a bit: I fear intimacy. Yeah, this guy (the people who know me the most have to be shocked). People have pegged me to be this open, honest person, but the truth is that I curtail information that I want people to know. Whereas information that some people would classify as being esoteric, I view as being surface level. The footprints represent people I’ve kept just close enough, but not so close to intrude upon my picture. Let’s go a bit further.
For most of my life, I only tell people just enough about me (as long as I’m comfortable). I’m afraid of people getting too close. I’ve played it safe for 35 years, so I thought I could keep this going forever, right? Wrong!
In my current relationship, we have promised to never go to sleep upset. We also promised to express the things we feel, no matter how hard it could be for the other person to hear.
[Declaration: I would like to take the time to say that communicating is freakin exhausting!]
Where was I? Oh, yeah. I remember.
You mean we have to talk about everything? Even when she gets on my freakin nerves? How about when she hurts my feelings? Can’t I just choose to not talk to her (in silent protest) for a few hours? Do I have to tell her about that, too? Yes, apparently, I do. She holds me accountable and I DON’T LIKE IT! Haha!
For the first time in my life, I’m not avoiding the pink elephant in the room. I freakin’ talk about it. It requires work, but anything worth having is worth working for.
Until Next time.