I have been amazed at so many things this summer. I’ve done things that I had put off doing for quite a while. I’ve done other things that I never thought I’d do. As a result, I’ve left myself vulnerable to a host of new experiences. There’s a common thread through it all. It’s called choice.
I chose to do those things in the face of fear. But this is only the beginning. I just had a conversation with one of my “folks” about trust. Not trusting others, but trusting yourself and what God has for you to do. That’s insane for me because I question myself a few 100 times. That’s just a smokescreen set up by the enemy, though. If the enemy can keep me focused on something small, he’ll prevent me from doing what God has for me to do.
I don’t want you to think that God is this jerk that wants you to do His work and forget about what you want. That’s not it. I strongly believe that God has a great work within me-And I want to do it. It’s not the universe or anything like that: It’s The Most High God. “For it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose (Phil 2:13).”
So, I wish to publicly put fear on notice: Fuck You. You’re also a liar and I will do everything in my power to starve your ass to death. I will succeed in killing you, too. I’m done with being afraid of being me. I’ve compromised for 35 years. Not any more. FUCK YOU. You’ve had all of the fun chewing off of my dreams, but no more. In the words of one of my drum brothers from college, “Die, bitch. Die!”
With that, I would like to offer this to the people who I’ve allowed what I thought they might think/say to keep me from doing what I’ve really wanted to do: Fuck your thoughts (not you, just your thoughts, lol). This includes the so-called deep saints (if you’re offended by this post, then…”you’re it”, haha). I love God and I’m staying true to who I really am. No more garbage. I’m constantly changing through all of this, too. I’m a living document.
I apologize to those “friends” that only kept me around because I acted like you wanted me to, in your life. Once again, if this offends you by reading this, then I’m talking about you. I need people in my life that love all of me; not because I do what they want. There are some parts of me that are tougher to love than others. If you are truly my friend, you’ll love me through the shit. The beauty of love is that it’s unconditional. People decided to put conditions on “it” and called that love. God didn’t design love that way. When you put conditions on love, it’s not love anymore. It’s called “an agenda.” Fuck these, too.
To my loyal, life-supporters [true friends], I leave you with this:
Standing flat-footed as a man that has been broken, made new and redeemed, I declare this: I wallow daily in LOVE, PEACE and now……COURAGE.