Welp folks, I’m back! Did you miss me? Wait, don’t answer that. I decided in December that I was going to take a month “off” to figure a few things out. I’m sorry I didn’t let you know. I’ll try not to let it happen again (there’s no punch line, really). It is was a much-needed break, but it feels good to be back!
Since December 31, 2012, I became a pescaterian; one who eats fish exclusively. This was quite difficult considering I accidentally broke that vow (when I ordered carry out) within the first week….trust me, this story gets better. For some reason, as I ate wing number three, I realized my grave mistake. Ugh! Who does that?! So, in true “Herbert” fashion, I finished up the wings.
[SN: If you are silently judging me right now, and you like football, just imagine watching a game without wings…….wait for it…….EXACTLY!]
So, after renewing the vow to only eat fish, again, I stuck with it. The last week in January, I was a vegan: 100%. All I have to say is, “Um, not cool, man; not cool at all.” I also decided to abstain from being on Facebook for the entire month. Surprisingly, I stuck to it for the entire month.
Why did I do this, you ask? Well, I wanted to deny myself things that I liked a lot, in order to refocus. I felt like so much of my life was being consumed by these “things” I had allowed to infiltrate and commandeer my life’s moments. In particular, Facebook. I allowed it to run my life. Sometimes, I would be on FB scrolling in between breaks from teaching, after school and throughout the evening. If I were a wide received, and FB scrolling represented a reception, I’d have an unbeatable record of catches made in a single game. It was awful. I’m not sure how it happened, but I found myself silently envying what some people were doing in their lives, as mine was being wasted reading about theirs. What a revolving cycle of nothingness. Well, I had had enough.
For me, scrolling represented time wasted, and how quickly it was passing by looking at others’. The status updates represented other people living their lives. You see, when I leave this earth, I want to leave empty. Empty of love, having given all. Empty of life, having lived it to the fullest; a life of not so many regrets. Let’s face it, there are some regrets in my life up to this point, and there may be a few more before I transition beyond. But, it’s senseless to live a life full of regrets because I never tried anything. That’s how you end up being elderly and bitter.
Also, I wanted to focus more intently on God, like I had never done before. I wanted to feel renewed every morning, like I should feel. I wanted to know what direction I should take with this blog, the book and so on. So, I didn’t go on FB. I deleted the app from my phone. I had to be quite deliberate and absolute in my approach of FB abstinence.
As a result, I do have clarity on some questions, and others haven’t manifested themselves as of yet, but it’s fine. This sabbatical offered me time to gather my own thoughts about things, and not be envious by what others are or aren’t doing.
It’s safe to say that I won’t be logging on nearly as much. Yes, after several attempts of wrong passwords, I’ve logged onto Facebook sine the end of January. It won’t consume me this time, for sure.
This is such a beautiful journey I’m on, and I am thankful to share it with you. I’m living and loving out loud.
Until next time.
Love and Peace,
-Herbie, a recovering envy addict (33 days sober)