It’s 0102 and I’m in IHOP: again.  [Don’t judge me!  LOL]  I have my sweet tea on deck, and I am in a rather reflective mood.  Hopefully, this post won’t be a novel.  Ha!

I must admit that I listen to music when writing posts: 100% of the time.  Tonight, I am listening to a composition that I wrote that has me feeling cathartic and pensive (click to hear: Unfinished Scene).  I am in a constant state of improvement and growth.  I periodically take the time to look around, assessing how far I’ve come.  Unfortunately, sometimes, I also evaluate my actions to see how well I handled certain situations (over others).  Life lessons have conditioned me to constantly check myself, ensuring that I’m handling situations better each time.

Particularly, I have this thing called male pride.  Let’s call it, “machismo.”  I continually make sure that I’m not “stinking up the joint” with this trait.  When I’m in certain situations, it will flare up.  I hear in my mind, “Are you gonna let them talk to you like that?  Really?  Handle your business!”  It does serve its purpose, sometimes.  It periodically gives me the “push” I need to say what needs to be said.  Other times, these disconcerting questions must be quieted, leaving me to simply be (myself), in the given situation.  To live in the present, if you will.

In earlier posts, I’ve expressed how I chose to avoid conflicts: At all costs.  Well, that no longer is the case.  Before you break out the party hats and cake, I need to explain fully.  Nowadays, I will recognize that something needs to be said, and address it, in my own time (“in my own time” is the key, here).  My response time needs to improve next.  I eventually will get to the point where I will be able to address an issue immediately, and I am working towards that goal daily.  I’m definitely being challenged in that area.  Currently, I have an issue that needs to be rectified.  By many people’s standards, it’s not monumental, but the shear act of addressing it will mean a great deal to me.   I’m just figuring out the best way to say it.  I’m sure it will come out the way it’s supposed to.  The best part about being honest, sooner, is that I will be free of this feeling of angst.  If it doesn’t come out the way it’s supposed to, I’ll just clean it up as I go.  LOL.

I have said all of this to say that I don’t intend carry around this metaphorical baggage around with me, so I’ll do something about it: Sooner.  I recognize that pride exists in my life (in the form of machismo).  I can own that, for now, but vow to change it.  I’m one step closer towards being the “best version of me.”

Until next time.

Love & Peace.

-Herbie

P.S. It’s now 0214.  Haha….