As if no one is looking.


Something unexpected happened to me Friday.  I had been feeling like the week whizzed by without me having reflected upon all that had transpired.  Here’s an unknown fact about me: My goal is to accomplish something each day, so that I will have the feeling of, well, accomplishment (redundancy isn’t cute: I get it).  Currently, my middle school choir is preparing for concert festival and it’s becoming a daunting task in getting them prepared.  With such stumbling blocks as testing, poor attendance (and not to mention attitudes), it has become a huge undertaking.  I have the faith that they will do well, but I just don’t know what that looks like, in the end.  I am very hopeful, but in the mean time, I am working hard (faith without works is dead, yo).  Needless to say, but I’ll say it anyway, I’ve had my hands full this week.

So, I was putting my belongings into the back seat of my car, when I turned and saw one of my fellow teachers walking out of the front door.  I waved and said “hello”, and proceeded to close my rear car door.  As this teacher walks in my direction towards her car, she says, “You are genuinely one of the nicest teachers here at this school.  You go to everyone’s program, you take our trouble students under your wing and you’re always smiling.  You go out of your way to do things.  You are the nicest teacher at our [bleep, bleep] school.  So, you can take that home with ya!”  As she walked away, I stood there, smiling, my grin slowly fading into a slight frown.  It was a good thing that she had left, because I had to hold back the tears.  I found myself biting my bottom lip, blinking profusely and clearing my throat a few times.  It was so hard to accept the wonderful things that she spoke about me, but I’m not sure why.  This has been on my mind all weekend, I still can’t make sense of it.

I spoke with a friend about it this weekend, but I’m not sure she fully understood the enormity of what had happened.  I explained how I’m a man who is compassionate, honest and tries to treat everyone with love and respect.  But there’s just one thing that I don’t do: cry.  I haven’t cried in quite a while (outside of worship).  The things that have occurred in my recent past, would’ve been enough to make people go insane, but I didn’t even shed a tear.  It’s just the way I am, I guess.  But Friday, for some reason, took me by surprise.  I didn’t have time to thank her for her kind words, considering I was speechless.  I was thinking, “What?  Huh?  Me?  You think I’m what?”  What transpired let me know that people are always watching, and also that you do more for people than you think.  Which brings me to my next point.

Last week, I was speaking with a long-time friend, having a transparent moment with her.  I asked, “How do you see me?  I mean, I see myself in some form of ministry, but I just don’t know what kind.  Sometimes, I feel like I’m not doing enough.”  She said, “Well, I don’t think that you’d be like a pastor, or minister in that [regard], but I do see you ministering.  I don’t see you as being a music minister, either.  Also, you can’t get caught up into what everyone else is doing.  Just be grateful for the things you’re doing and trust GOD.”  I thought, “Did that just happen?”  I felt like she should’ve ended that friendly reminder-turned-diatribe with, “You just got served!”

I mean, that was profound.  I appreciated those words, because sometimes I need to “bounce” my thoughts off of someone else to see where I am in my thinking.  I feel like I’m not doing enough, still.  That can be a distraction, because I see others doing things and I think, “Man, I need to be doing more.  I gotta do more.”  Through my quiet time the other day, I learned that whatever I find to do with my hands, I should do with my might (Ecclesiastes 9:10a).  I took it a step further.  I have things that are set to my hands now.  I should focus on them and do those things with all of my might.  I’ve had written on my wall, “Fight with all of your might,” for quite a while now.  I just put “two & two” together, as my Momma says.

What’s the moral of this story?  Keep doing the good things that you’re doing.  GOD sees you.  I know this because he told me.

Until next time.

Love & Peace

-Herbie

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About GLL+

A blog about giving more, loving more and living more. Finding better ways of doing each of these everyday. A journey through self-discovery.
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2 Responses to As if no one is looking.

  1. Ria says:

    This post actually ministered to me…well done. I try to do right by situations (not just people) and more often than not, I try to understand what others always seem to like in my character and why…i’ve even considered praying on it. I believe I got His answer through you. Thanks for being a vessel.

    Like

  2. Thank you, Sister! I am slowly beginning to believe. It’s a hard one I am working on daily.

    Like

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