I watched Kanye West’s three-part documentary when it first came out in 2022. One interview stood out to me. Dr. Donda West said to him, “Everyone else sees the giant, but when he looks in the mirror, the giant sees nothing. That stuck out to me like black ink on a clean sheet of paper.
I was finishing a 5-month story development fellowship for documentary film when my own lack of sight showed up. I messaged a fellow cohort member offering to score her film. Her response reminded me of my blindspot. She said, “It’s such an honor to know that you’re interested. I’ll let you know.”
I have struggled to see myself for quite a while. I’ve heard some say that a prophet doesn’t see himself but can clearly see others (I’m not saying I’m a prophet. I’m simply stating what others have said). I have prayed countless times for God to let me see myself, so I may know. But my real prayer may have been more like, “Lord, help me to see myself as others see me.”
My prayer was off because I wanted others’ view of me to tell me who I am instead of just talking to the One who made me.
I’m not dismayed about it, as I see it as being one step in the right direction (Step one: Talking to God). The next step is just for me to ask God who am I. How has He made me? I see some glimpses or even concrete evidence of the Potter’s divine hand, but some days, I just have no clue. I feel like I’m trying to catch the wind with my hands.
Back to the documentary. There’s a warning. I interpreted Dr. West’s words as: by seeing nothing in the mirror, the giant doesn’t have a puffed-up view of himself. He doesn’t see himself as bigger than he ought (Romans 12:3).
I truly don’t see myself in the mirror. I don’t know why, and it’s okay. I don’t have to figure that out today.
Well, until next time:
Love & Peace.
-Herbie
What do you think?