GiveLoveLiveMore

Hey. How have you been? It’s been a while since we’ve checked in. I know, I know. I get it. Really? Has it been that long? Sheesh. I didn’t think it had been that long. Yeah, I’ve been thinking about you for sure. You’re always on my mind; please know that.

Who me? How am I doing? I’ve been pretty good, I think. Still doing all the things, figuring out how to be me in this world. You know: the usual. I wanted to talk to you about something that’s been on my mind as of late. I’m not sure how to start, but here it goes (it’s a little heavy).

I’ve noticed that I do a lot. I strive to be the best son, brother, cousin, father, husband, et cetera that I can be. Why? I’ll tell you.

Some time, earlier on, I picked up the idea that I wasn’t good enough or worthy of anything without working for it. So, I figured that I’d show everyone that am. I’ve been proving myself to people so much throughout my life that I don’t know if I’m genuinely this “do anything for you” type of person or I’m just this guy out of habit.

Hm. I’m not 100% sure anymore.

Surely, I have benefited from this mentality, but I’m sure others have benefited far more than I have. But then again, that might not be the truth. I put myself in a few compromising situations that, in hindsight, cause me shame. But this much is true: I became a human doing.

[Disclaimer: This isn’t the totality of who I am. I am not monolithic. There are many facets that make up this diamond. What’s being described is a rough, past, unfinished angle that has since been buffed clear. #KnowDat]

Where was I? Oh yeah……

As a part of proving myself most of the time, I became a people-pleaser. I would say yes to many things (within reason) and I ran myself into the ground. This idea came to me in my early 20’s: “I give so much of myself to everyone that at the end of the day, I don’t have much left for me.” Back then, I didn’t know how to change my behavior.

Fast forward to very recently. Some how, I came accross the idea that I’ve been a human doing (I’m sure my wife has something to do with it, along with my therapist). It was like there was a break in the clouds and the sun came beaming down. I had been “doing” for so long that I didn’t really know that anyone really saw me (the real ones always do).

The revelation came shortly thereafter: I don’t have to do anything to be worthy of anything: I can simply be.

I sat there, bewildered, slightly turning my head like a confused dog. Simultenously, I was both confused and accepting of the words I heard.

Rrmff?

“Hmph,” I said to myself. I kept doing what I was doing.

Since then, there has been a ripple effect in my life (too many to recount here). I check my motives more now. I ask me, “Why am I doing this? Am I choosing to do this just because or am I doing this out of old habit?”

The questions are uncomfortable at first but justly warranted. I have now begun the transistion from “human doing” to “human being.” As I have said a few times throughout this blog, if you read nothing else from me, please remember to just be.

What am I saying?

Just Be It.

Until Next Time,

Love & Peace.

P.S. I know that I’m organically the type of guy who would help in any way that I can.