GiveLoveLiveMore

(Written on 1 November 2018)

Anyone that knows me knows that I enjoy helping people. Even more, I enjoy helping people from behind the curtain, so to speak. I am not a person who desires to be front & center. I specifically prefer the background. The conundrum is that no one sees me.

We all like the encouragement of being recognized for contributing to the team. I am no different. But I guess that sometimes, I would like to receive accolades the way I’d want to (which is quietly, with only one or two people presenting the award). I have dreamt of receiving numerous music awards, but I’m not sure how I would handle giving a speech. It’s not that I don’t speak well or have some type of ailment that would prevent me from physically giving my speech, but it’s just that I’m not exactly sure.

As a twist of fate, I am DEATHLY afraid of receiving accolades in front of many people (actually any number over five. Five is my hilt as far as that goes). What if I cry (I mean the ugly cry at that)? What if I can’t talk because I’m overwhelmed with emotion? What if my words are intelligible? 

I sometimes marvel at my earlier writings because they show personal progress and this time is no different. My thoughts from almost five years ago still ring slightly true. Today, I am okay with being acknowledged. I take the time to listen until they’re finished and thank them for thinking of me. That’s growth for me. I once hated attention of any kind, stemming from a few unfortunate events growing up (maybe I’ll go into detail about that later.  And that’s okay.

Above all, I like feeling appreciated but mostly tacitly. Surely, I do not know what the future holds, and I just may have to give an acceptance speech. Come to think of it, that’d be awesome!

Until Next Time,

Love & Peace.