I couldn’t help it if I wanted to…..

Background: I wrote this months ago, and noticed that I never published it.  Now is as good a time as any!


Anastasia at the Art Museum
A picture from our first date.

So, I met this girl a few weeks ago.  The circumstances were anything from ordinary.  It was actually through a mutual friend.  This friend, called “M,” told me about her friend, years ago, but I wasn’t in a position to receive anyone, at that time.  Let’s fast-forward.  Recently over breakfast,  M gave me her number, and I took it (had I thought about it, I would’ve never actually entertained it).  I told “M” that I would call her, and so I did.  Before I did, M said, “You guys have a lot in common.”  I thought, “Uh, yeah.  Whatevs.”

At any rate, I called.  I left a message.  She didn’t call at all that day.  A part of me was leery of the fact that this would be just a game tactic.  I have never had any game and therefore wouldn’t be a willing participant.

Prior to her returning my call, I felt nervous.  I just didn’t want to sound like a dweeb, geek, nerd, or whatever it is that I am.  I wondered if we’d actually have things to talk about or would the conversation fizzle out.

But she, indeed, called the next day.

Near the beginning of the convo, I felt a little jittery.  I had no clue who she was, but I was about to find out.  LOL.  We talked for over an hour that night, and have talked everyday since.  By the end of the first week, we decided to meet up.

OH GOD, WHAT HAVE I DONE???  I went through a myriad of imaginings in my head (none of which will be written).  I won’t dwell on this too much, but I’ll say that she’s adorable.  Okay.  I lied.  Good God a’ Mighty!  I’m done; for now.  *clears throat*

As we find out more about each other, I have come to know that she is honest, loves the Lord Jesus and is not afraid to tell me to “shut the fuck up” every now and again.  Haha!  She’s a writer of an authentic and raw blog.  She and I pray together.   She’s the real deal.  I’ve been out on dates before, but haven’t found someone who has captured my attention; as she has (honestly).  The similarities sounded coincidental, at first, but I believe that everything happens for a reason.  We find out more and more of them each day.

But yet and still, I just don’t understand it.  Why?……How did this happen?  I would’ve remembered if I won the lottery.  I don’t know what cloud she came from, but I feel like I’m waiting for some shit to go down.  I know that I could potentially “get burned” by her honesty, but I can’t worry much about that.  The reward far exceeds the risk.

Things that she says are, most times, what I need to hear to keep things in perspective.  Seriously; some of the things she’s said makes me think that she’s read the “Cliff Notes” on my life.  But she’ll be talking about herself!  She listens, prays for me and knows how to let a man be a man (this is monumental for me).  I find myself wanting to try new things with her, things that I would’ve never dared to do (out of complacency).  She gives me courage.  She has been exactly what I’ve needed.

All of this is a bit new for me.  I’m not used to acting in faith, as opposed to out of fear.  I am terribly excited.  But sometimes, the thoughts arise.  “When’s the last time you felt like this?  Has it been so long that you just think that you feel this way, for real?  Would it really work?  You don’t have a car, dude.  What’ll happen when she’s tired of meeting you in the city?  Then what?”

These are very real concerns, that will haunt me, if I dwell on them.  But I have to put those things behind me now.  If I want to see where this goes, I have to trust God and not my fears.  I must trust God always.  Everything will be the way it’s supposed to be: Perfect.

Until Next time,

Love & Peace.



4 thoughts on “I couldn’t help it if I wanted to…..

  1. Looking forward to hearing good things about the direction you guys are headed in. I know it feels good to have someone you can connect with. Much love..

    Brandon B.


    1. Thanks Brandon. I appreciate you for taking the time to read. We’re headed in a pretty strong direction: We are getting married in 12 days! 🙂


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