Pardon me. I meant, “Let us pray.”
I’ve been learning a lot already in the past six days in the new year. A recurring theme in my life these days has been grace. In this case, I mean that thing that in which one can give to someone else. I’ve talked about it before (here), but I find myself needing more lessons in it.
My evolving understanding of grace means to give an honorable pardon of affording people understanding (not to mention, unmerited favor). For example, when my lady comes by, it’s the understanding that whoever makes dinner, that other person loads the dishwasher. Since I live here, I feel more comfortable serving her by cooking for us. The first few times she did the dishes, I told her how things needed to be best situated within the washer (I did this because I have a rather antiquated device, and dishes have to be positioned correctly to ensure all of the dishes are washed correctly). No matter the reason, making suggestions can become a bit overwhelming and nerve-racking over time.
The problem with me correcting her is that she had to find her own way. She was serving me by loading the washer, and I basically told her that her service wasn’t good enough.
[Damn, I never thought about it like that until now. That’s effed up.]
If you wish to follow my example of stupidity, please don’t. I honestly didn’t have a clue what I was doing until recently. That’s no way to treat anyone. She’s the last person I would want to treat unfavorably.
But wait; there’s more.
Sometimes, you have to show grace to yourself. It has taken me a long time to do this effectively, and I’m still working on it. In the past, I felt like I wasn’t a good enough musician to play with professionals. I played with mistakes and I thought that professionals didn’t make mistakes really. I would be hard on myself for playing the wrong chord, but most times, no one was really paying me much attention.
After the performance, people would come up and thank me for playing so well. I would be thinking, “What the hell were you listening to?” Nowadays, I have learned to just enjoy the music I create, and to be thankful to those who compliment my gift. Also, I’ve learned to exert self-forgiveness when I make a mistake. Like I said, it has taken me years to get to this point, and I still have to be constantly reminded of being grace-full with myself.
I leave you with a screenshot of the text I sent my lady, in the middle of writing this post. There are no words to describe my heart’s sorrow in asking her forgiveness.
Until Next time,