the ebb and flow of doubt


E.F.D. (The Ebbs and Flow of Doubt)

About 3 1/2 years ago, I made a conscious decision to stop teaching to start a business. One of the reasons I had decided to move beyond from the formal education field was because I could no longer lie to my students. I told them to follow their dreams and chase them; but I was only living one of mine. I had more dreams that I needed to chase myself. This just a little background for context.

Fear reared its ugly head shortly after speaking with someone I considered to be a close friend at the time. After I told the person that I was stopping teaching to start a business, their reply was a few questions. Then there was silence. At that moment, I felt like we had been sucked into the silence of outer space.

Side note: Silence speaks LOUDLY…..and it hurts.

Anyway, I had been so sure of myself prior to this conversation. But what changed? I thought that I had done a good job of stamping out doubt (a cheezy campaign add from the ’80’s, I reckon??), but it resurfaced anyway. I couldn’t really describe what I know it to be now: the feeling of being unsupported. The kind of un-support that lets you fall backward as no one catches you during that “trust exercise” used for team building. I had miscalculated in who I could share my gospel (good news) with, and it hurt pretty good. I even had someone tell me that, “You know your future-wife ain’t gonna marry you without a job.” This furthered my stay “in the cloak of doubt” I was wearing. With each blow, the coat became more snug.

After doubt showed up, fear eventually made an appearance.

“Can I do this?”

“Am I crazy?”

“What are you thinking?”

“Will I be able to support myself?”

“What if it doesn’t work?”

“What will people think of me.”

I had to snap out of this negative thought. While I was working on purging these negative thoughts, my angels were showing up in different ways. Things slowly turned around after I received some encouraging words from various people. My family spoke words of encouragement. Dad told me, “You can do it. And don’t worry about what other people have to say.” There was my cousin, a serial entrepreneur, offered her ears whenever I needed them. I am thankful. People were giving me helpful advice and even my barber walked me through the filing process. All of these people (and a few more) helped me to abolish doubt from my mind.

I won’t lie: I still have doubt-pisodes, but they don’t last for long. I have help.

This month, I am celebrating 3 years of being happily married and a growing business. I guess she married this guy, after all!

Until next time,

Love & Peace

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